Stage Fright Help Centre

DOMINATRIX
VS
EARTH MOTHER
by Mardi Wareham

I thought that title might grab your attention.

Recently I've been feeling some inner conflict about singing and I tried an experiment by creating imaginary characters to clarify these feelings.

Let me introduce you to the first character, the Dominatrix.  She is the stern taskmaster (mistress?) who unceasingly urges me to take action.  "OK, you've done the Nefsky workshop," she says. "Now what?  You should be out there, singing at karaoke bars, at open stages, putting your revue together, doing singing telegrams.  C'mon, let's go or I'll get out the whip!"

In the other corner is the intuitive, gentle Earth Mother. She urges me to relax, meditate and simply envision the appropriate next step.  "No point in rushing into something you don't really want to do," she says in her calm and soothing voice.  "Take your time and find something you truly enjoy.  You'll know it's the right path because it will just feel right."

After getting to know these inner characters, I've concluded that both are vitally necessary for me to move forward with performing.  They need not be in conflict.  They are, in fact, an incredibly powerful team.

Without Dominatrix, I would never get off my butt and do anything.  I would never challenge myself to overcome my fears.  She comes up with lots of ideas and it's up to 'Earth Mother to choose the ideas that might be useful.  The action generated by Dominatrix gives information to Earth Mother so she can determine what "feels right."

For example, (and I know you're waiting for one) after Art's workshop, I felt a void.  This is not uncommon, he tells me.  Dominatrix thought of singing in a karaoke bar as a way of practicing my new performance skills.  I had never done this before and it was quite challenging.  Dominatrix was very insistent.  She wanted to go right away, the weekend after the workshop.

You see, she was frightened that the workshop wouldn't stick.  When she couldn't find anyone to accompany her to the karaoke bar, she started to panic and give me messages like, "If you don't go tonight, it will all disappear and you'll be afraid again, and go back into your shell."

Felling more than slightly foolish, I asked Earth Mother to talk to her.  "It's OK," said E.M., "we'll go soon.  Don't worry, I see how important it is for you to do this, just to prove you can do it.  And even though it doesn't feel intuitively right, I'm sure I can get some useful information from the experience.  It's scary, but let's give it a try."

I call this kind of self-talk "managing my neuroses."  It might seem silly but it works for me.

Once Dominatrix and Earth Mother both agreed to go sing karaoke together, it was amazing how quickly they created an opportunity.  We all ended up on a Saturday night at the Dufferin Hotel on Seymour Street in downtown Vancouver.  Dominatrix knocked back scotch on the rocks and Earth mother sipped her peppermint tea.

We had an enjoyable time flirting with the largely gay clientele and we sang up a storm.  Big Spender was the crowd favorite.

Afterwards, both Dominatrix and Earth Mother were satisfied.  I had taken action and tried something new, which pleased Dominatrix.  She likes to see me squirm a little.

E.M. got new information to plug into her computer program -- the one that's trying to figure out my life and how I'm going to become a professional singer.

I told this story to a close friend, who said the key thing to remember is that Dominatrix, contrary to her name, is actually in service to Earth Mother.  She is feeding Earth Mother information, which then goes into the intuition matrix for processing.  The E.M. is the true decision-maker.  (that reassured me.)

I hope this information is useful to other singers and performers.  I would love to hear about your inner characters and how you get them to work together to help propel you to that place called success.  In the meantime, see you at the nearest karaoke bar.  I'm hooked!